Becoming Road

Becoming Road

Saturday, April 26, 2014

...wrong {ROADS}

This past month has been a whirlwind for our family!  It is a gift to know that oftentimes when the storms and winds come, there is most assuredly a calm that follows and a brightness and warmth that could have not been felt without first weathering the storm. 

Marty and I (and let's be honest,...Ethan and Nyah too!) have been praying earnestly for the past two years to add to our family through adoption.  For the majority of this time, we have felt a sense of calm and have been patient and willing to wait for that blessing to come. 

This past Christmas, we felt a sense of urgency to get things moving with adoption and didn't feel as content to sit still and just wait.  We passed out adoption cards to our friends and loved ones in hopes of making a connection   We also shared more details within our social network using facebook.  It was really hard for us to step out of our comfort zone and take what is so private and sacred to us and share it with essentially everyone!!!  Even so,...we were willing to give it a try.  We were hoping that someone would lead us to our next adoption, much like what had happened with Ethan & Nyah.

In the meantime, we were approached with probably a dozen adoption situations that were way out of our budget and with each situation we became more and more frustrated with having to say no because of financial limitations.  Aside from LDSFS,...most agencies were asking for $25,000-45,000.  And while we would have moved heaven and earth to put away this kind of money it was nearly impossible with Marty's income and me staying home. 

And then a crazy thing happened.  We were referred by a friend to a local adoption agency who was seeking a family for a birth mother who wanted to place her little boy in June. Marty made the first call to the caseworkers and was overwhelmed at how amazing it went.  We continued to text and email questions and info.  Her circumstances were such that she needed substantial help with living expenses and medical costs throughout the remainder of her pregnancy and after placement.   The agency disclosed that  the fees would be approximately 45,000 or more depending on medical costs.  Once we found out about cost I immediately told Marty,..."Well....I guess this one isn't meant for us!"  ...feeling totally frustrated and overwhelmed once again with the fees and costs of yet another situation.  Little did I know,...Marty felt differently! 

Here is what he put out there to the world that very night on social media....

Ok my amazing face book peeps, we have got a warm lead on the possible newest addition to our family,, He is going to be born in June and it is a closed adoption.... GREAT NEWS.... The draw back is the financial approximately 48k .... Yeah more than most people make in a year, for some unexplained reason I am not bowing out this time as I have in the past, I'm not just going to say well, guess I should have been a high roller instead of a teacher... Nope for some unexplainable reason I am going to chase this one down... So who has ideas for How a nerdy, poor seminary teacher can come up with 48K ... I know this is almost laughable... But again feeling strongly to pursue... Throw out anything.  No ideas are unworthy or too far fetched for consideration.... I love you my friends and look forward to some crazy awesome feedback...

P.S. Try not to tell Brigette she is going to roast  me for posting this, she is as private as they come.... the pass along cards we sent out for Christmas about killed her....
And sure enough,....many loved ones shared some amazing ideas and began to brainstorm ways we could come up with more funds for adoption.  Marty came to bed (I had since passed out) and woke me up to tell me what he was feeling and how hopeful he was! 
At that point we were waiting to hear back from the agency with a final word on if we had been selected.  Originally, the birthmother wanted the agency to choose the couple and desired a closed adoption.  And because we were the first couple to contact them and were a perfect fit for what they wanted,..we really felt secure in moving forward.  We knew the financial side of it would be a strain, to say the least, but we felt hope for the first time that we might be able to do it.  All of the sudden doors were opening financially that weren't even possible a month before!  We also felt like Marty feeling compelled to MOVE with this situation meant something great was in store especially since we had turned down previous situations that were even less than this one. 
A couple weeks went by and we received word from the agency that we were NOT going to be the parents of this little boy after all.  The birthmother changed her mind and decided to look at profiles  of couples and had selected another family.  We don't even know if we were even part of that process since we didn't have a current profile with that agency and were not really contracted with them.  We were heartbroken!  I remember handling the conversation well and almost feeling relief because of how much anxiety I felt with the financial part of things, but soon after our phone call ended, I was a mess.  What did the Lord intend for us to gain from this disappointment?  Why had Marty felt so good about moving forward?  How could we possibly tell all those who had been rallying around us, that it had fallen through?   Marty shared this with our loved ones....
My dear friends.....we have some great news and some not so great news. The great news is that friends and family from everywhere are pouring out incredible amounts of support for both our online donation efforts and our bucks for baby adoption yard sale. It has been so very humbling and inspiring. Even so... We are heartbroken to share that the potential baby boy due in June, is meant to be someone else's blessing.

We were informed recently that the birth mom / agency has chosen another couple. We are as heart broken for ourselves as we are joyful for the selected couple. When Brigette and I started this journey we both went in knowing the child meant for our family, is through God, going to make it to our family and any child that doesn't, was meant for another family. This is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow but a truth undeniable.

So we need your prayers more than ever. It is times like this that make us so grateful for everyone God has put into our lives and for the truth of the gospel plan:

President Uchtdorf this past weekend shared powerful truths that have sunk deep into our hearts (especially with the recent news)...

" In his plan there is no true endings, only everlasting beginnings" - Dieter F Uchtdorf

We have to see this as one step closer to finding our child, not a loss of one that might have been.

"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God for the rain"
- Dieter F Uchtdorf

And The Lord has truly made it rain!! ......with blessings, reconnecting with old friends, contributions not a few, hope of accomplishing an overwhelming task, prayers unlimited in our behalf, faith and strength to look to the dawn of a brighter day, and the scared blessing of an addition to our family...

"Being thankful in our circumstance is an act of faith"
- Dieter F Uchtdorf

And thankful we are, for a Father in Heaven who loves and trusts us enough to make us wait until the child/ children he has planned and prepared to be specifically in our family comes along...

Amazingly...Some other prospects have come to our attention in the last few days. In order to avoid dragging you, our most beloved friends and family on the emotional roller coaster the process of adoption can sometimes be, we are going to continue in our efforts to raise money but categorize it as a non specific adoption fund until the time when warm leads translate into a selection. At that time, we will immediately and joyfully share that blessing with you. We consider what has been and will yet be donated/ raised as sacred funds and will anxiously anticipate the day we can utilize them as such... God bless you all for who you are and what you have and will yet do to aid in this special cause...
And so....we keep moving forward!  We felt so blessed to have had this experience as it has propelled us into having our finances in a place where we can actively be seeking out adoption situations that  otherwise would have passed us by.  We have since held a yard sale (with the help of my amazing sisters, friends, and family) that brought in an amazing amount of money.  People donated items from all over our county and we filled an entire 3-car garage with no room to spare with items to sell.  People donated baked goods and boutique items to sell.  It was a miracle!  We have dear friends who want to hold additional yards sales, 5k races, silent auctions, etc.  We have also set up an online fundraiser which has already resulted in significant funds which is SO VERY humbling! The outpouring of love we have felt has been astounding and we feel so amazingly blessed. 
We continue to pray that the Lord is preparing a way for us to add to our family!  Until then....we will continue to  ".....pray and trust, and be believing.." and most importantly enjoy and marvel at the blessing of our little family now! 

Elder Jeffrey R Holland says it perfectly....
"...Why did we feel, after praying about it, that the right road was the proper one to take, the correct one to take, and it wasn't?"
"...I think that the Lord, His wish for us there, and His answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as quickly as possible with some reassurance, with some understanding,  that we were on the right road and we didn't' have to worry about it, and in this case, ....the easiest way to do that was to let us.... go on the wrong road and very quickly know without a doubt, that it was the wrong road, and therefore with equal certainty and equal conviction that the other one was the right road." 
"I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge that God loves us.  He is good, He is our Father and He expects us to pray, and trust, and be believing, and not give up, and not panic, and not retreat, and not jump ship when something doesn't seem to be going just right.  We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, "I told you that it'd be okay, I told you it would be alright.' "  (Wrong Roads-Jeffrey R. Holland)